Detoxing as a Compulsive Spender

The day before yesterday I spent an entire therapy session talking about my compulsive spending. Seriously, I spent money to talk about not spending money. How many self help books have I bought to help me stop spending money that didn’t help me stop? A ton. The only thing that stops me is to not do the action of buying on impulse. After a good 45 minute session, my therapist says she wants me to detox from purchasing any accessories for a year. AN ENTIRE YEAR! As in 365 days of abstaining from buying it. No way my mind screams. Not possible it says. Even though I am over 2 months into my recovery from compulsive spending and haven’t purchased any jewelry my heart starts racing in fear. A year is a lllllooooonnnnggggg time. What if I need it?

She explains to me rationally how I do not need any accessories and it sounds totally sane and makes sense. But my Ego doesn’t like being told it can’t have something. My emotional immaturity is screaming that it wants that safety net if it needs it. I’ve already reduced my book expenditures and now this too? I envision myself standing there stomping my feet, clenching my fists, and crying like my 16 month old daughter. This is exactly how I feel.

Today I talked to another compulsive spender on the phone. She suggested that perhaps I try this for 1 month. That I put money in an envelope towards accessories but not spend it. I think this is a better approach. I can re-evaluate at that time. I think I may try this approach.

I am wondering what life would be like if I had envelopes for each category of my spending and had cash for them? So much to pray about.

Compulsive Spender – Who Me?

I love to shop.  Well, no.  I get a high like a drug when I think of shopping.  All the wonderful gifts I have to have.  All of the new things to aquire.  All the excitement of bringing new shiny things home and how they will make me feel.  Then they arrive after I’ve ordered them online and most of them sit with tags still on them or thrown into a corner because I am off on a chase for the next magic item I think will fix me and give me perpetual happiness…..  

That is until the credit card bill arrives with an astronomical interest rate I ignored.  I ignore it until the card maxes out.  I try to transfer the bill to a zero percent card and they only take half.  Now I have two minimum payments when I could barely afford one.  I have kept it secret from my husband.  I am close to not being able to pay my bills and have depleted all of my savings.  I hid boxes from ny husband as well.  I was ashamed and guilty I could not stop.  I was miserable.

And yet my mind kept telling me I did not have a problem.  Who me, a compulsive shopper?  Nah….  Well maybe…..  Ok, yes.  Now what can I do to get help and stop?  I have prayed for 6 months and I am not able to stop!  

To be continued……